I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No stitches, just platelets and will power
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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