I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
