we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
