i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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