I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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