Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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