i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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