so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
