omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
