what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
