i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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