The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
