thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
whose parrot is this?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
MIDGETS
????
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
