So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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