Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
