Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
