To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
