I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
