I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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