Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
