i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
