I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
