I wish I could punch you in the face.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
