I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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