I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
