the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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