Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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