So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
