I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
