Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
