I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
