Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
