I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
