This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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