just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
