Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Loading more great texts...