just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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