do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
