Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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