haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
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while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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