Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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