3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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