so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
