I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
