escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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