M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
