dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
