i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
