That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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