I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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