I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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