I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Mom said you looked used
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
