i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
