i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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