His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
