If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
