I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
