Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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