cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
