when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
