You can't special order awesome
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Randomize
