My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
