I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
