Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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