I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
