i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize