i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
