Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
