Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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