i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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