I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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