I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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