anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
