I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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