we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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