and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
