Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
