I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
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Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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