Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize