Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
