so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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