Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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